Perfectionism is Resolution Resistance at its Finest! And this can feed the procrastination that we talked about last week. But not only do we procrastinate, we never lift our anchor out of the mud. Our inner critic might be saying "if you can't do it perfectly, don't try at all!"
Don't get me wrong, perfectionism has some qualities that are essential, like for a surgeon or an engineer. We want to come through the surgery safely, and we want the bridges and buildings to stand up straight!
I'm not talking about that kind of perfectionism. I'm talking about how our inner perfectionist/critic can immobilize us.
We all have a vision of what we want to do, create, achieve. And we all have an inner perfectionist that can really give us the gears over our efforts... not acceptable, never good enough, you didn't think of that! this won't work, you need to learn more before you do this.... you name it.
That inner judge has a function. It's there to keep us safe! But sometimes it doesn't have a clear understanding of what is needed. It doesn't even know what perfection is! It's working from some old, unconscious and vague notions of how we have to be to be accepted, loved and safe. And these notions may have nothing to do with what is perfect in any given situation. They are unconscious beliefs that can bring our beautiful plans to a halt before we ever set sail.
So what IS perfect? Is it a specific achievement, like a degree that prepares you to do something with confidence and capability? Is it a specific creation, like a house that is safe, warm and will shelter you and your family? Is it a piece of clothing that fits? Is it the specific outcome you achieve or is it the journey you undertake while achieving it. Is it the journey or the destination? For each of us the notion of perfection will be different, and we may be VERY surprised by what we learn by achieving something that is perfectly imperfect. We may reach our destination disheveled, muddy and without a shoe, but maybe we had the best time ever! Isn't that a version of perfection?
We need to be clear on what is good enough, satisfying and will 'do the job'. If we can do something that is good enough to feel satisfying and actually gets us to our goal, then what could be better!
Here are some questions we might ask ourselves to get an idea of how perfection looks in this situation.
Did we enjoy the process and what were our motivations? Did we hate every minute of a difficult journey but judge the outcome as perfect, or did we enjoy the process but made mistakes and learned a lot. Did we adjust our compasses according to the environment? Absolute perfection doesn’t exist. But we all have an inner perfectionist that compares and judges our efforts. Taken to the extreme, it can hold us back, leaving the degree or book or house half finished or never even started because it doesn't live up to some impossible standard.
The perfectionist can show up loud and clear especially when we are doing something new. It's unknown territory and we don't even know what we don't know. That perfectionist voice will be very cautious and shout all kinds of warnings to keep us off the rocks And we need to be prepared for this and able to bring some calm to the new and unpredictable situation we are exploring. That's where
Conscious EFT™ and Havening Techniques® have really helped me navigate new territory with flexibility and even some joy!
What if we could make friends with our inner perfectionist, allow it to help us do something that is good enough, but not hold us back from moving ahead and having some fun in the process?
I am exploring this 'what if...' question as I approach some new and uncharted territory this year, and I am finding a lot of satisfaction, fun and I'm pleased to report that my inner perfectionist is feeling kinda flexible.
Message me to discuss how we can work together to make friends with your inner perfectionist and learn how to sail in the sun!
