Like many others, I often berate myself for procrastinating. Why can’t I just get it done? I can’t get started, I keep missing the deadline, and I seem to do anything except the task at hand. It could be anything… cleaning the basement, staring a diet, studying, writing, working…. You name it, and I’m pretty sure I’ve procrastinated around it, or maybe even never got it done!
The thing is, we think procrastination is a problem, but it’s not. It’s the solution to a bigger problem. Possibly a problem we are not aware of. Sure we can easily procrastinate cleaning the basement or putting away the laundry because we simply don’t want to. That’s not the kind of procrastination I’m talking about.
This is about having something we want to do that’s meaningful and motivating to us. We know we are committed to doing it. Like taking a course or looking for a new job, or even addressing an issue in a relationship. We know we want to do the thing, we know it will improve our well-being and quality of life, but we simply can’t get going. We might find ourselves doing absolutely anything to avoid it. Maybe we even clean out the fridge and put away the laundry and look for more chores to distract us. Gee. I don’t have time to do the thing! And we often say, I simply don’t know why I can’t do this!
So what's holding us back? We all have numerous unconscious 'beliefs' or behavoiur patterns that shape our view of what's possible for us, and these drive our behaviour. And even though it doesn't feel very active, procrastination is definitely behaviour designed to keep us feeling safe and in control.
What if I do this thing and it changes my life completely? Who will I be? I won’t fit in anymore. Maybe it’s not possible to do. There must be lots of other people who can do it better. What if I fail? I won’t even get it right so why should I even try.
All of these limiting beliefs and more are ways our nervous system keeps us safe. After all if we don’t ever do the thing, then we can’t fail and we won’t experience any of the other possible changes that can feel uncomfortable or even alarming.
Procrastination is a defense strategy that keeps us from wandering into a place of newness and uncertainty. So how do we ever make change?
First we have to recognize and accept that we are procrastinating. Maybe the message is "here's something you need to know about your resistance". Sometimes it is driven by those questions above, but at other times, maybe there is a practical message. Maybe we are not prepared enough. Maybe our standards and expectations are too high. Maybe too low. Maybe it's as simple as that, or maybe we need to explore our unconscious beliefs to see what's holding us back.
Are we comparing ourselves to other “successful” people and feel we will never measure up. Or maybe we remember that we tried something similar once and it didn’t work out. Why would we put ourselves through that again? Maybe we learned something from that previous experience and can approach this new thing with a lot more skills and understanding. Why would I want to join a choir or speak in public when my grade 6 music teacher told me to mouth the words at the recital cuz my voice didn't sound good. So part of me is still afraid to put myself out there that way.
Tapping and Havening Techniques can help us move the energy around procrastination. It helps us identify and process the emotions and urges around our planned action. It helps us process the emotional 'hangover' of our past painful experiences that keep us stuck. And it puts us in a place where we can see new possibilities. Like maybe if I chunk this project down into smaller pieces, it won't feel so overwhelming. Maybe I can get some help from an expert to make sure my plan is sound. Or even maybe I can take some voice lessons so I feel more comfortable speaking and singing.
If you're up against some procrastination with this new year,
connect with me to discuss how we can work together.
